


Everything That I Want

by pencilguin



Series: Fictober 2018 [9]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: M/M, asexual!Stamets, mild au probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 21:58:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: Hugh comes home to find Paul in an unusually pensive mood.





	Everything That I Want

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Tumblr as part of the Fictober 2018 challenge. Unbeta'd; I apologize for any mistakes that might still be in there. 
> 
> This feels like an AU. One where they met earlier. Writing this felt cathartic, but posting it is still awkward. This received surprisingly many positive responses on Tumblr, so I decided to upload it here, too, after all. If it helps only one person to feel better, then it will have been worth my personal discomfort.

When Hugh gets home Paul is already there, sitting in his favorite spot on the wide windowsill, chin resting on his palm, looking out into the rain. It’s a beautiful image, but something about the melancholy in it tugs painfully at Hugh’s heart. 

“Hi honey,” he greets Paul, smiling, while pulling his shoes off and hanging up his wet coat. “You’re home early, I thought you’d still be at the lab.” 

“They’re doing safety maintenance in there today, so we can’t go in.” He turns his head to look at Hugh, his expression neutral on the surface though his hand is still covering his mouth, and there’s something off about the red that frames his eyes; Hugh isn’t sure if it’s just tiredness or something else. “How was your day?” he mutters through his fingers. 

Hugh walks over and greets him with a small kiss. “Uneventful, thankfully.” Up close, something definitely doesn’t look right about that face. “Are you okay, Paul?” 

Paul avoids his eyes, looks out the window again. It takes a while before he speaks. 

“Are you really happy with this? Us? With … me?” 

Hugh frowns and sits down opposite him, searching his face for clues. 

“Where is _that_ coming from all of a sudden?” 

“I mean, with … you know, me being _me_ and …” 

Hugh stares at him deadpan. He’s starting to get an idea where Paul is going with this, and he doesn’t like it. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Paul sighs. 

“I might have … overheard people talk.” 

Hugh raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. 

“About … you know, us being a thing, now that it’s … official, sort of.” The corner of his mouth twitches as if a smile wants to come out but doesn’t quite succeed. “You’re still pretty popular.” 

Hugh isn’t in the mood to feel flattered by that. And he’s not going to play along with Paul’s little self-deprecating game today. They’ve had conversations like this before; they revealed Paul’s insecurities underneath the armor of self-confidence he projected. 

“And?” 

“Apparently you’re too good for me, and I don’t deserve you. And you could have anyone you want instead of some weird, rude, pale mushroom nerd. Which, I guess, is true. Especially since …” He bites his lip, eyes fixed on a spot beside Hugh in the corner of the window frame. “I mean, you’re charming, and gorgeous, and perfect, and you’re wasted on a boyfriend who doesn’t even want to sleep with you despite all that.” 

At the sight of the look on his face as he says it, Hugh’s anger deflates, and his frown softens. “You still think this bothers me?” 

He doesn’t get a response, but Paul’s expression speaks volumes. 

“Paul …” Hugh puts a hand on his knee, gently, reassuringly. “Haven’t I told you that I love you, and that I’m happy?” 

Finally, Paul looks up at him again. 

“Yes, you did.” 

“Then please answer me this: Why would you think that I lied to you?” 

That seems to surprise him. 

“I—I don’t …” 

“Good. Because that would have been a problem. Now …” He pulls both his legs up onto the windowsill and crosses them so he’s now facing Paul directly. “I don’t know where this ‘listening to stupid gossip’ nonsense is coming from all of a sudden because I’m pretty sure the Paul Stamets I know doesn’t give a shit about what random strangers think of him. But I have the weird, rude, pale mushroom nerd boyfriend because I _want_ the weird, rude, pale mushroom nerd boyfriend. And I don’t care if he or anyone else thinks that he doesn’t deserve me—which is ridiculous, by the way—because I deserve _him_.” 

Paul stares at him, almost in awe, soaking in every single one of his words, as if he still can’t quite believe that he is hearing them. Hugh leans forward and takes both of Paul’s hands in his. 

“You’re perfect for me, too,” he continues more quietly. “And I love this, I love us, and I have everything that I want.” 

He leans forward to kiss Paul again, more slowly, and Paul reciprocates this time, lets himself melt into the comforting touch of Hugh’s lips. After they part, he swallows. 

“But what if you ever change your mind?” 

Hugh rests his forehead against Paul’s. 

“If that ever happens, we’ll figure something out. But I don’t think it will.” 

Paul closes his eyes and whispers, “Okay.” 

They stay like this for a while, sitting in silence, breathing, and just _being_. 

Eventually, Hugh has to get up because his feet are about to fall asleep. 

“Come on,” he says and smiles, “let’s enjoy the rest of our evening. You go and get the pile of blankets, I make hot chocolate, and then we’re going to cuddle on the couch and I kiss you until you forget all that stupid talk.” 

He offers a hand to help him up, and Paul accepts it with a grin. 

“Deal.” 

**Author's Note:**

> To everyone who leaves any comments on my works: Thank you so much, they make me happier than you can imagine. And if I don’t respond to them it’s because I’ve used up all the words on my writing and all I’m left with is feelings I can’t articulate. <3


End file.
